It is more accurate to say, "What does she identify with?"
Before I go there, let me share what I once identified with... The oldest
I once proudly identified myself as the oldest of 4. When my parents divorced and I later moved to my dad's, I became the oldest of 3. The entire home may have changed but I knew the eldest's role. My youngest brother was 10 years younger. Being his oldest sister was something I could grow in and have an identity in. I took to caring for, watching out for, setting an example for, doing for. In my mind, I found my place. I found my purpose. I found my value. I found my worth. Thus, my identity was largely wrapped up in being the "momma hen, sibling."
As time passed, I bunched up everyone and often said, "I am the oldest of 6." This is where my greatest identity was. When I attempted to join the siblings for different holidays, it didn't ever work the way I'd envision. I then took it personal. -Because it effected my identity.
-Can you see this?
With identity comes value. So, when I say "This is what I identified myself with." what I'm also saying is, "This is where I found my value." or, "In this I found my worth...my purpose, ... my identity."
When we all grew up, this identity took a major blow. Finally, when I was 31, we were visiting my sister. (My 7 years younger than me, sister.) I felt the need to point out my take on her behavior. She in turn pointed out that I was visiting her at her place, in the state (Maryland) she was living in, married, and pregnant. She is now grown up, and she doesn't need a parent. I was stunned. She was right. While I still didn't agree with a lot, it is not my place to tell her. She helped shatter that identity that I found security in. It was time to grow beyond that and be free. However, since our security is in our identity, instead of seeing the whole picture, I was able to let go of my siblings, but hung tight to my babies. I then took to being a super mom! I practiced with my siblings now I was going to do superbly with my sons. Never once pairing the 2 and seeing that accepting this identity leads me to the same empty place. -Had God not intervened, history would have repeated with my own children.
Bottom line, anything that you find identity in that you can lose, you are in danger. Our identity must be anchored on Jesus Christ.
Because I am free from that, I am now free to sit back and marvel at WHO they are! I am free to accept that they are grown, married, most of them are parents, and I am now free to be an equal...and have released them to be an equal. It's cool (with just a pinch of surrendering mixed in) to listen to my younger siblings and learn from them. What a joy. What a gift!
