How do you see yourself?

Have you ever had moments when you ask God for insight and help, then when He gives it to you, it branches beyond just that one area you were thinking of?
I was listening to the boys talk in the back of the van while I was driving...
Matthew was showing Gabriel something and made the comment that he couldn't really read yet.

When he said that, an understanding came up out of my spirit. He had yet to identify himself as one being able to read. He had yet to make that connection on a personal level. Once he identified with reading and believed he is a reader, I will see him engage in it better.
This has been our change of focus. I took him to a book that is much bigger than his little 10-ish paged, paper back school readers that he is used to. I asked him to read. I have asked him to read signs, etc. I have intentionally called him a "reader." Excitement started coming up as he made the connection and implemented the rules he'd learned throughout last school year. -- ONCE HE SAW HIMSELF READING AND BELIEVED HE CAN READ, HIS ENTIRE OUTLOOK CHANGED.
There is a quote I say often and live by, "If you can see it, you can possess it." Another, that goes right along with that one is, "Your feet will never take you where your mind has never been."
Another quote the boys hear often is, "You will become what you behold." ...and yet I have never paired the two. -- It isn't only what you behold as far as what we feed our minds through our eyes and ears. (- Which is how I have seen it) ...but also what we feed our minds through our own visions. How do we see ourselves?
As for the branching part...
This goes into every area of what we receive from God. We will only receive from God what we take and make personal as our own.
Do you see yourself as completely and totally redeemed? Do you see yourself as more than a conqueror? Do you see yourself as healed? Do you see yourself as completely in Christ so as to say, ..."as He is, so are we in this world"... meaning just as healed, in the same right standing, just as loved, just as much belonging, just as rich...as He is?
-Remember, once you can see it, you can possess it. -regardless of what it looks like right now, because that which is seen is temporary but that which is not seen is eternal... I'm already whole...completely whole. I am not trying to get there...I am already there because I am in Christ and He already won. This is mine...not someday but a finished work.
Once Matthew saw that he is already reading and more than able, once he saw what I saw... then, he gained confidence in stepping out. Now, he is attempting to read believing he can! Watching him step out, I saw the parallel. Once we see ourselves the way our Father God sees us, we too gain confidence in our ability. We too step out believing we have what is ours and then we too overcome.

The Joys of Surprises

All this week, Matthew has been visiting his grandparents in Kerrville.
There are things we have been planning and preparing to surprise him with when he comes home.

One in particular is something he has been wanting for nearly 9 months.
- Uconnect headphones for our Chrysler Town & Country.  I ordered them and they finally came in the mail. When I opened the package, I found, they each take 2 AAA batteries.  Thankfully, there was no pairing to manually do. Once batteries were in, they worked immediately.

Initially,  I didn't have any spare batteries on hand. So, my next step was writing down batteries on my shopping list.  Come the following day, once I bought them, and put them in, I was soon found sitting in the parked car, in the garage, with the headphones on.  In all of this, my eagerness to see his response was mounting.  Like a child, I was giddy over this just thinking of how he will enjoy these. I so enjoy the anticipation. However, now that everything is all is put together, I find the wait so hard to tolerate.

In that I thought, "Is our Heavenly Father like this too? Does He anticipate our arrival at a new place in Him, ever so eager to give us what He has in store? Does He look forward to a new day with great hope that we will find all He has prepared for us in this day?"

I dare say, "Yes. He most certainly does!"
To think, Our Heavenly Father gets such delight and joy from being able to bless us, surprise us, and give to us.  How He goes before us and prepares the way, then brings us to a place of blessing ...how He must long for with great expectation, the joy and marvel we have over what all He has done. How we must likewise bring Him delight as we delight in Him. - Not in anyway for pride's sake...oh no. He is not in that. No, this is for Love's sake! Our Creator, our God, Our Father is so overwhelmingly compelled by love. He not only operates in love but He is Love. And, it is in that same love that we marvel, that we awe, that we delight, that we appreciate, that we enjoy all He has done and does. It is all about relationship. ...It is all about a Father and His children.

A Bit About Me. -- Who Is Kristy Caudillo

It is more accurate to say, "What does she identify with?"

Before I go there, let me share what I once identified with... The oldest

I once proudly identified myself as the oldest of 4. When my parents divorced and I later moved to my dad's, I became the oldest of 3. The entire home may have changed but I knew the eldest's role.  My youngest brother was 10 years younger. Being his oldest sister was something I could grow in and have an identity in. I took to caring for, watching out for, setting an example for, doing for. In my mind, I found my place. I found my purpose. I found my value. I found my worth. Thus, my identity was largely wrapped up in being the "momma hen, sibling." 
As time passed, I bunched up everyone and often said, "I am the oldest of 6." This is where my greatest identity was.  When I attempted to join the siblings for different holidays, it didn't ever work the way I'd envision. I then took it personal. -Because it effected my identity.
-Can you see this?
With identity comes value. So, when I say "This is what I identified myself with." what I'm also saying is, "This is where I found my value." or, "In this I found my worth...my purpose, ... my identity."

When we all grew up, this identity took a major blow. Finally, when I was 31, we were visiting my sister. (My 7 years younger than me, sister.)  I felt the need to point out my take on her behavior. She in turn pointed out that I was visiting her at her place, in the state (Maryland) she was living in, married, and pregnant. She is now grown up, and she doesn't need a parent. I was stunned. She was right. While I still didn't agree with a lot, it is not my place to tell her.  She helped shatter that identity that I found security in. It was time to grow beyond that and be free. However, since our security is in our identity, instead of seeing the whole picture, I was able to let go of my siblings, but hung tight to my babies. I then took to being a super mom! I practiced with my siblings now I was going to do superbly with my sons. Never once pairing the 2 and seeing that accepting this identity leads me to the same empty place.  -Had God not intervened, history would have repeated with my own children.
Bottom line, anything that you find identity in that you can lose, you are in danger.  Our identity must be anchored on Jesus Christ.

Because I am free from that, I am now free to sit back and marvel at WHO they are! I am free to accept that they are grown, married, most of them are parents, and I am now free to be an equal...and have released them to be an equal.  It's cool (with just a pinch of surrendering mixed in) to listen to my younger siblings and learn from them. What a joy. What a gift!

Excitement Over Growing Up

Matthew came into my room this morning and I thought he was wearing boots with pj's because he definitely went through another growth spurt! Oh how delighted they get when they hear of how they have grown over night!  Right away he wants to measure where he is against me.

Dear Matthew,
Once upon a time, it greatly pained me to see you grow. It was as though I'd been robbed by time. I wished to keep you little always. Oh, to hold you forever! -but how much that would rob you of!!  I wouldn't trade your infant years with these for anything!  I love hearing you think and reason and develop!!!
Truth be told, when I felt that way, I was not growing. I gave you my life. I shouldn't have but I did. (More about the time that changed posted here.) As I've given you to God and put Him first, He has changed the way I see time. In learning to make time work for us not against us, I have been granted the joy and experience  of growing, changing, and developing side by side with you.
Now, I too am comparing and standing up against our Heavenly Father and I too am seeing how much I've grown more like Him over the last six weeks and last year... What was I too timid to do a year ago, that I have since broke free from? What did I want to do but thought I couldn't? What do I understand better now that I didn't then?  How have I developed in compassion? In hearing and being led? In obedience? In submission? In leadership?  In focus?  ...and, I agree, it is so thrilling to grow, to reach, to expand to new and deeper waters, beyond the former boundries.
I'm so thankful for these days...and I'm so thankful for your eagerness to grow! While in the physical realm, we reach a stopping point, in the spiritual realm, we never do!  Don't ever, ever lose that. -ever!
May you spend the rest of your life never settling and always reaching. May you be able to look back at every year and see many areas where you have grown and developed and changed...from glory to glory.

Marvel Your Way To Breakthrough

When we first started clearly seeing and understanding that healing is something that belongs to us and a part of our covenant rights bought and paid for by Christ Jesus' blood, and when we first started pressing through standing on scripture and not accepting what we saw until what we saw was what scripture says, what I did NOT see was the joy of marveling.
...
Similar to when David would bring home his current project drawings, I'd look at everything he was red-lining and ask, "You drew this??"...then say, "Show me more!...please!" Like a child, I delighted in him taking me to these beautiful luxury apartment complex buildings and marveling over what he designed!!! I  was beyond impressed. I would look at him until he would say something like, "What?! Stop looking at me." It IS very impressive!  I enjoy marveling at what he does....and I also enjoy saying, This. Is. MY. Husband! ...and stopping to soak that reality in.

Equally, with our Heavenly Father, it is no different.... I've noticed more breakthrough as I stop to say, "This. Is. My. Daddy God! Maker of Heaven & Earth & all the infinite galaxies!!"

So, I pray. Believe... and I don't just (emotional-less-ly) repeatedly say, "thank you God, I believe I have my healing."  ...Instead, I marvel! He not only can but He wants to heal us! He not only will but He made a way to legally heal us!  He doesn't stop at healed but completely whole! He not only loves me but He calls me the apple of His eye. He not only wants what is best but He starts moving everything so that when I get to my open door, the right people are in position, the right contacts are made, the right situation all comes together. He not only meets my needs but according to His riches in Glory...to the point that I shall not even want! And, even that is above all I can ask or think...

Like blue and yellow mixed together makes green, marveling and thanksgiving make praise. We praise Him for what He has done and what He does. We worship Him for Who He is.

Don't hold out for the big and final things. Start with the small ones. Just marvel. Let the love and appreciation expand your expectations for more. As you praise out of your mouth, your faith will grow.
Faith works by love and it comes by hearing.

Letters to Joshua - Month #2

Joshua Andrew,
Happy 2nd month birthday!

I watch you content in a swing. You lay there as you wait for us to get you. I come back upstairs when you awake. I hold you close to feed while I talk to your brothers.  I try to stop so as to recognize and enjoy our alone times that we get throughout our days. Through it all, I am amazed at how perfectly content you are when you are missing out on so much.

You have opened my eyes. I won't ever tell you. "I wish you could just stay little."  You see, when your oldest brother, Matthew, was your age, I literally cried over how fast time was going.  I felt as though time was the enemy that I couldn't control. Its purpose was to rob me of my nows. Why must it be said of everything, "This too shall pass."? I spent more time waiting for this time to come than I ever get to spend enjoying it!   -- I no longer see things this way. I have learned a secret! When I enjoy you, I savor my nows...all of them.  When I live my life poured out toward you, I am filled up.  When I give, I get.  So, while I look forward to the day when you are no longer waiting for someone to pick you up, it isn't because I don't want to carry you but because I already know the joy YOU will experience when you start to grow in your own independent mobility!
I do greatly enjoy today! I love having you as my constant companion to ask and talk to, go over the day, sing to and hear you sing back. I am so immensely grateful for today but I know you will enjoy tomorrow more than you could possibly enjoy today!  So, I look forward to all your future first...even if it means that your firsts come at the cost of my lasts. While that sounds like I could get sentimental, I don't mean to. What I mean is, I am so full of excitement and expectancy when it comes to the days ahead for you that I can hold you close and snuggle today, enjoying this moment and excitedly expecting the ones to come.
I want to get to know you. What kind of car or truck will YOU want? Your brother Gabriel wants a BIG red truck with large tires and a grill! He doesn't want it to be really loud...but maybe a little loud...that he says, would be okay.  I look forward to knowing all the trucks you will like....or cars if that is your preference. I look forward to learning right along side you. Your brother Matthew is very interested in geography. I so enjoy being interested in what you all are interested in.  Just name it and we can explore it! I look forward to these days ahead with you.
What will you like to do? How will you approach situations? Will you want to hold my hand everywhere or will you be eager to run off? Either way, I just want to get to know you.  A sweet friend said her favorite quote concerning children is, "Little children are not clay to mold but rather little people to unfold."   I want to be there to watch you and help you so that eventually you will grow and mature enough to be able to complete the unfolding process. What will it look like when you reach full bloom of what all God created you to be?  There is so much wonder in God. There is so much wonder in life. There is so much wonder wrapped up in you. It thrills me to see the wonder I have become your own.  I want to see you wonder!! I want to see you dream! I want to see you see your dreams become a reality!  You and your brothers are one of my dreams that have become a reality.  Soon, it will be your turn to dream...dream big! We serve a big God. When babies were said to be an impossibility, I've now had 4...with you being my 4th.  So, dream BIG!!   ...AND, when your big dream comes to pass, dream even bigger. Never stop dreaming, never stop seeing, never stop reaching!

It really does get better as time goes on...and it would be incredibly selfish of me to even wish to rob you of a day where you didn't get to experience the every increasing "more" that awaits you!

Happy 2 month birthday.
Love, Mom

Hello Monday!

It's Monday morning.  It is 5:00 AM.  My husband wakes me.  I have 2 choices.  I can either think about how tired I feel and how soft the bed is, or I can set my mind on praising God. 
First words are so very important.  They will tell exactly what is in the heart of a person.  I am fascinated with the life of Smith Wigglesworth.  He was a remarkable man.  I recently read this:

Lester Sumrall asked, 'How do you get up in the morning?' Wigglesworth said, "I jump out of bed! I dance before the Lord for at least 10 to 12 minutes -- high-speed dancing. I jump up and down and run around my room telling God how great He is, how wonderful He is, how glad I am to be associated with Him and to be His child." - Pioneers of Faith, pg 165

This little glimpse into his life speaks volumes.  Why don't we witness what all He did?  It starts with perspective.  From the moment we wake, we make a choice.