Nearly
a year ago, God gave me a dream. This dream was so real that it took
several days to shake.
In this dream, we were shopping in a small country store. I was with my family and my parents. As they often like to do when they come to visit us, we were spending the day shopping. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary happening. We were just enjoying and living life. At the time of the dream, our oldest, Matthew, was 4. Gabriel was 2. Nathaniel was only a couple of months. The dream was set in present time. I could feel my sleeping newborn baby's head cupped in the palm of my hand as I held him against my chest. Then, Gabriel needed to go to the bathroom. I looked around and found David, my husband, at the register with my Dad and Matthew, our oldest. They were paying. I told my mom I was going to take Gabriel to the bathroom. We had to walk through a back storage area on the side of the building. I remember relishing the preciousness of the task at hand, his small hand held in mine, his not quite developed speech... You see, I always wanted to be a mom. It was such a long journey to get here that, well... while I was raising them for God, the truth is, nothing meant more in life to me...nothing. My cup ran over! I didn't have any other dreams or desires. I was content with life as it is.
And then, as we walked back, I could sense a change on the horizon. I looked and to my right side, the wall was a glass wall. Through it, I could see an open field. Suddenly, there was an ear piercing shrill and everyone stood still.
Then, there was this massive black thing that hit into a field beside
this store. The smoke from this was so dense and so black that it
covered everything and there was no way to see anything. People were
paralyzed in fear. This was consuming.
Then, all noise and everything around me seemed to fade as this white light from above came and completely surrounded me. I was still holding our sleeping newborn in my arms. I had been holding Gabriel's little hand as well but now, I wasn't sure where he was or if he was still in my hand. I really couldn't tell anymore. While I thought to snap out of this and search in panic, I couldn't. I felt this peace and
didn't know if I was laying or standing or what was going on around me
but I knew all would be all right.
Then, I realized...it was as if I had an understanding download of what I was experiencing. I immediately felt this sense of regret!!!
I CAN STILL FEEL THAT REGRET. I said, "No Lord! I thought I had more
time!!!!"
See, back
in 1997, I was prophesied over and in it, many things were spoken over
me. None of which I'd done. I really wanted to enjoy motherhood and do
that stuff later...or that God would make a way for it to be fulfilled
if He wanted it to be, (as if my destiny would fall into my lap when the
time came...oh, how ignorant of me. Truth be told, I was content. I was happy. And, I was teaching them about God. So, I completely justified the spending of my life and the choices I made up to this point...) It was fine because I was always
thinking, I'd have time.
At that moment, time ran out. I knew it...and I
WOKE! I found myself laying beside our newborn. It was morning and
the sun had already filled the room. My heart was pounding and I was crying. I immediately began thanking
God for time! In that moment, without even moving a muscle out of the position I had been sleeping in, I knew, I was done playing games. I was done living for me. I'd
already made that commitment at other times in my life, but this time... It no longer
matters...
I have experienced what it would be like to face my Lord and be filled with sorrow, filled with regret, filled with remorse...how foolish I was. Suddenly, my days, my choices, my life was chalked into waste. The distractions that we often think are important and worth doing become worthless waste in comparison to the things that matter and make a difference for eternity.
So, after spending about half the day, reviewing this dream, I made a commitment to God, when that day comes, when the skies do part, when Christ does return, I WILL be ready to meet my Savior and I
will be able to face Him, unashamed. He promised that He will give
grace and be the redeemer of time and I promise to do all I need to, to
catch up. I'm not doing it trying to make things right because I am
made right through Him...but I am going to be obedient and commit to
being a doer of the Word vs. a hearer or try-er. I committed to walking in the light I have and making the things of God first in my life. I no longer cared about others' opinions or the cost... I am done.
