Lessons in Privileges and Responsibilites #3

In our home we have "ready boxes." These are plastic shoe boxes that the boys prep every morning.  They take off their pajamas, fold them, gather their underclothes and get everything ready for that night when Daddy gives them a bath.  These boxes get put on a shelf in the supply closet outside of the bathroom door.  *They also decorate their boxes with every sticker they get from stores, the chiropractor, events we attend, or machines.  This was my way of encouraging them to be polite when offered a sticker AND keeping stickers from making their way onto furniture, tile floors, or even remaining in pockets and getting washed.  Now, stickers have value and a place.  Each ready box is their own and decorated by them.

Now that you know what we have in place...
I go into my 6 year old's closet and see his clothes thrown on a shelf. I called him back into the room.  I asked him why he didn't finish getting his box together.  He let out a loud sigh.  Then, "Why do you -always- want me to get my box together?"

As a parent, I have a few directions to go here...
I can address the talking back or I can see this as a symptom to a larger issue.  He doesn't yet see the privilege and responsibility.

My response was to answer his question.
"Privileges and Responsibilities"
His body language said it all.  He dropped his shoulders and came to a slouch.  He didn't see it...
"Alright, look, you want more freedom right?  You're bothered because, to you, I am pulling you back.  You want to move on and be free to play...but here comes Mommy wanting you to finish your assignment.  Son, we want the same thing.  We do....
What is my job?
Since this is something we go over often, he knew the answer. 
-- My job is to help guide you from complete dependency in others to complete dependency in God.  As long as you are dependent on others, you are limited to their limitations.  In God there is no limit.
What is your job?
His job is to develop in skills and to take on his own responsibilities so as to be accountable for himself.  His job is to transition from being accountable to Daddy and Mommy to being accountable to God.  His job is to remain teachable so that he can do all God wants him to do.

Let's look at Joshua...
He is 5 months.  When he wakes, he plays or fusses and he is stuck waiting for someone else to come pick him up.  What if I went and asked him to get his ready box together?  Can he do it?  No. He needs someone to carry him, change him, feed him, do everything for him.

Let's look at Nathaniel.
He is 2 years old. I get his clothes.  I lead him in putting his box together.
Let's look at you.

You are 6.  Do I need to change you?  No.  Do I need to help you like I help Nathaniel? No.
Your privilege is that you are now old enough to manage your own box.  You can pick your own underwear.  We don't pick Elmo or Olaf like I do with Nathaniel.  No. It is all you.  You pick what you want to wear.  If you don't like what choices you have, you can go open the dryer and see if your favorites are in their.  It's yours.  Your responsibility though, is to keep your own box ready for tonight.  When I see this mess, it tells me you are not mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with the freedom of picking and handling your own stuff.  Is that true?

Son, my goal is to see you soar.  Every person has in them the desire to fly and be free.  You can not depend upon me to carry you and want to fly at the same time. Either this box is yours or it's mine.  It's your choice.

...since then, he has responsibly managed his own box with the right attitude.

Letters to Joshua - Happy 5th month Birthday!

Joshua Andrew,
Happy 5th month birthday!  Wow... You have done so much in such a short amount of time!  The other day, you refused to sit back in your swing. Even with the swing moving back and forth, you continued to pull yourself forward, insisting on being a part of the action and not just an observer.  Look at you!!
You take everything to your mouth... everything!  When you have nothing else, you go straight for your toes.  You much more prefer life from inside a carrier. So, I wear you quite a bit. I'm beginning to think, you think you belong in a pouch by my side.  I'm alright with that. It's a great place to learn more about life from. You also prefer being out over staying at home. What I mean is, you are more settled when we are out and you have a lot to look at. Gabriel was the same way.  Today, he still likes the outdoors over being inside.  You often make me wonder who you are and what all you will accomplish.

As for your relationship with your brothers, you are very popular with them.
They all like to talk to you, explain everything to you, and carry you. You listen to them and stare at each of them as though you are comprehending everything they are telling you. It's really cute!  Nathaniel always wants to tote you about but is very limited since you are nearly his size. :-) There is no doubt that you will pass him up...then pass Gabriel up as well.  It will be quite the sight to see all 4 of you grown!
Right now, you will take 2-3 naps. When your brothers let you, you will sleep for about 1 1/2 hours. I almost don't know what to do with all that time.
You also surprised me with leg pushing your way to a toy your brothers had on the floor!  You are very determined to get there! My excitement only excited you more. I kept saying,  "Atta' boy, Josh!!! Keep going!!" All eyes were fixed on you! Matthew was itching to help by handing you the toy you had your eyes fixed on but I told him to watch and cheer instead.  It was quite the moment! Once you,had the toy in hand (and in your mouth) you looked at us as though we were nutty. Since then, you have gained confidence in your ability to get yourself to what you want. That is what life is all about!
5 months down with many more to go!! The best is yet to come!  I look forward to all of your todays and tomorrows as you discover, there are no limits to all you can accomplish!! - Just take it one step at a time and don't give up. You can only fail, if you quit.

Love,
Mommy

Dealing with Discouragement

Reflecting on my yesterdays as I am taking in my todays...
When I was a school teacher, I had parent/teacher conferences with each parent. During these conferences, I'd usually be informed that there was another "side" to my perfect students that I had never seen. Parents would share of their "teeth pulling" moments just to get through homework, while I sat shocked, never thinking such moments could ever come from this well mannered and compliant child I've had in my class.
Fast forward to double my age and nearly 20 years later... Same curriculum, same (yet slightly updated) papers, -MY- children....
Now that I am the one in the mom role, I get the unedited, raw areas to train and work through that others may never see. -and this I am good with...because I believe these are moments where we get to swap seeds of the flesh for seeds of the spirit that will show up again when they are older. (Prov. 22:6)

So...
2 years ago, when we started our homeschooling adventures, with our oldest son, it was, "I can't. Please let me dramatically wallow in self pity over all that you are insanely asking of me."
-- To that I had to ask God for help so as to correctly navigate through those waters. Entering our 3rd year of this and most days it seems we have found a stride. I am beyond grateful and almost forgetful of the obstacles and challenging moments.

Welcome my 2nd child into the homeschooling adventures...
May I just say, he (my 4 year old) colors remarkably well! I mean, his attention to detail and his drive for excellence is unmatched. However, as wonderful as this seems, it makes for some interesting days! One accidental mark outside of the lines and this beautiful paper that he has invested a lot into is now deemed trash worthy! This drive for excellence can be so strong that a self inflicting feeling of defeat can and has surfaced. If I respond with compliments, there can easily be a horrid mark or intentional attempt to ruin a formerly impressive paper... to this there is another dramatic display of defeat bringing us to all too familiar waters.

I. am. amazed! 2 completely different children, responses, behaviors, strengths, weaknesses....yet same results. -- I can't, frustration, & tears

It doesn't matter the person, every one of us has a sin nature. Every one of us deals with discouragement. What we do in those times is what matters. Praying for insight and a correct perspective to help my 2nd son see from, I was reminded and encouraged too...

A while back, I read the book, "Living in God's Power." by John G. Lake. (I was and am fascinated by these generals in the faith. What did they know? How did they see so as to demand and expect and see such miracles?) In reading, I was amazed when he (John G. Lake) shared a time where he went to pray with a man over a baby who's neck was broken. He said when he saw the baby's neck flop like a rag doll and he attempted to explain, he sensed in his spirit that his doubt would be a hindrance to this man's faith so he left. When he heard the baby was healed, he asked to see the infant. He then prayed, "Lord, take every cursed thing out of my soul that keeps me from believing the Lord Jesus Christ."

I remember putting the book down and being in shock. I guess I'd never really stopped to think, "Every great ______ didn't start there." In this case, It was great faith... there was a time when every faith general had to overcome doubt, unbelief, and fear. It may sound cliché but there is so much truth to the saying, "The only time you fail, is when you stop trying."

"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..." 
Zachariah 4:10

It isn't about duplicating teacher's sample work. 
It isn't about what older brother can do.
It isn't even about an accidental mistake.

It is about stepping out. 
It is about growing. 
It is about trying. 
It is about learning.
It is about developing. 
It is about doing your best with a healthy attitude.
It is about remaining teachable.

Without the journey, there is no joy in making it to a new destination.