In our home we have "ready boxes." These are plastic shoe boxes that the boys prep every morning. They take off their pajamas, fold them, gather their underclothes and get everything ready for that night when Daddy gives them a bath. These boxes get put on a shelf in the supply closet outside of the bathroom door. *They also decorate their boxes with every sticker they get from stores, the chiropractor, events we attend, or machines. This was my way of encouraging them to be polite when offered a sticker AND keeping stickers from making their way onto furniture, tile floors, or even remaining in pockets and getting washed. Now, stickers have value and a place. Each ready box is their own and decorated by them.
Now that you know what we have in place...
I go into my 6 year old's closet and see his clothes thrown on a shelf. I called him back into the room. I asked him why he didn't finish getting his box together. He let out a loud sigh. Then, "Why do you -always- want me to get my box together?"
As a parent, I have a few directions to go here...
I can address the talking back or I can see this as a symptom to a larger issue. He doesn't yet see the privilege and responsibility.
My response was to answer his question.
"Privileges and Responsibilities"
His body language said it all. He dropped his shoulders and came to a slouch. He didn't see it...
"Alright, look, you want more freedom right? You're bothered because, to you, I am pulling you back. You want to move on and be free to play...but here comes Mommy wanting you to finish your assignment. Son, we want the same thing. We do....
What is my job?
Since this is something we go over often, he knew the answer.
-- My job is to help guide you from complete dependency in others to complete dependency in God. As long as you are dependent on others, you are limited to their limitations. In God there is no limit.
What is your job?
His job is to develop in skills and to take on his own responsibilities so as to be accountable for himself. His job is to transition from being accountable to Daddy and Mommy to being accountable to God. His job is to remain teachable so that he can do all God wants him to do.
Let's look at Joshua...
He is 5 months. When he wakes, he plays or fusses and he is stuck waiting for someone else to come pick him up. What if I went and asked him to get his ready box together? Can he do it? No. He needs someone to carry him, change him, feed him, do everything for him.
Let's look at Nathaniel.
He is 2 years old. I get his clothes. I lead him in putting his box together.
Let's look at you.
You are 6. Do I need to change you? No. Do I need to help you like I help Nathaniel? No.
Your privilege is that you are now old enough to manage your own box. You can pick your own underwear. We don't pick Elmo or Olaf like I do with Nathaniel. No. It is all you. You pick what you want to wear. If you don't like what choices you have, you can go open the dryer and see if your favorites are in their. It's yours. Your responsibility though, is to keep your own box ready for tonight. When I see this mess, it tells me you are not mature enough to handle the responsibility that comes with the freedom of picking and handling your own stuff. Is that true?
Son, my goal is to see you soar. Every person has in them the desire to fly and be free. You can not depend upon me to carry you and want to fly at the same time. Either this box is yours or it's mine. It's your choice.
...since then, he has responsibly managed his own box with the right attitude.
