Reflecting on my yesterdays as I am taking in my todays...
When I was a school teacher, I had parent/teacher conferences with each parent. During these conferences, I'd usually be informed that there was another "side" to my perfect students that I had never seen. Parents would share of their "teeth pulling" moments just to get through homework, while I sat shocked, never thinking such moments could ever come from this well mannered and compliant child I've had in my class.
Fast forward to double my age and nearly 20 years later... Same curriculum, same (yet slightly updated) papers, -MY- children....
Now that I am the one in the mom role, I get the unedited, raw areas to train and work through that others may never see. -and this I am good with...because I believe these are moments where we get to swap seeds of the flesh for seeds of the spirit that will show up again when they are older. (Prov. 22:6)
So...
2 years ago, when we started our homeschooling adventures, with our oldest son, it was, "I can't. Please let me dramatically wallow in self pity over all that you are insanely asking of me."
-- To that I had to ask God for help so as to correctly navigate through those waters. Entering our 3rd year of this and most days it seems we have found a stride. I am beyond grateful and almost forgetful of the obstacles and challenging moments.
Welcome my 2nd child into the homeschooling adventures...
May I just say, he (my 4 year old) colors remarkably well! I mean, his attention to detail and his drive for excellence is unmatched. However, as wonderful as this seems, it makes for some interesting days! One accidental mark outside of the lines and this beautiful paper that he has invested a lot into is now deemed trash worthy! This drive for excellence can be so strong that a self inflicting feeling of defeat can and has surfaced. If I respond with compliments, there can easily be a horrid mark or intentional attempt to ruin a formerly impressive paper... to this there is another dramatic display of defeat bringing us to all too familiar waters.
I. am. amazed! 2 completely different children, responses, behaviors, strengths, weaknesses....yet same results. -- I can't, frustration, & tears
It doesn't matter the person, every one of us has a sin nature. Every one of us deals with discouragement. What we do in those times is what matters. Praying for insight and a correct perspective to help my 2nd son see from, I was reminded and encouraged too...
A while back, I read the book, "Living in God's Power." by John G. Lake. (I was and am fascinated by these generals in the faith. What did they know? How did they see so as to demand and expect and see such miracles?) In reading, I was amazed when he (John G. Lake) shared a time where he went to pray with a man over a baby who's neck was broken. He said when he saw the baby's neck flop like a rag doll and he attempted to explain, he sensed in his spirit that his doubt would be a hindrance to this man's faith so he left. When he heard the baby was healed, he asked to see the infant. He then prayed, "Lord, take every cursed thing out of my soul that keeps me from believing the Lord Jesus Christ."
I remember putting the book down and being in shock. I guess I'd never really stopped to think, "Every great ______ didn't start there." In this case, It was great faith... there was a time when every faith general had to overcome doubt, unbelief, and fear. It may sound cliché but there is so much truth to the saying, "The only time you fail, is when you stop trying."
"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin..."
Zachariah 4:10
It isn't about duplicating teacher's sample work.
It isn't about what older brother can do.
It isn't even about an accidental mistake.
It is about stepping out.
It is about growing.
It is about trying.
It is about learning.
It is about developing.
It is about doing your best with a healthy attitude.
It is about remaining teachable.
Without the journey, there is no joy in making it to a new destination.
