The Joys of Surprises

All this week, Matthew has been visiting his grandparents in Kerrville.
There are things we have been planning and preparing to surprise him with when he comes home.

One in particular is something he has been wanting for nearly 9 months.
- Uconnect headphones for our Chrysler Town & Country.  I ordered them and they finally came in the mail. When I opened the package, I found, they each take 2 AAA batteries.  Thankfully, there was no pairing to manually do. Once batteries were in, they worked immediately.

Initially,  I didn't have any spare batteries on hand. So, my next step was writing down batteries on my shopping list.  Come the following day, once I bought them, and put them in, I was soon found sitting in the parked car, in the garage, with the headphones on.  In all of this, my eagerness to see his response was mounting.  Like a child, I was giddy over this just thinking of how he will enjoy these. I so enjoy the anticipation. However, now that everything is all is put together, I find the wait so hard to tolerate.

In that I thought, "Is our Heavenly Father like this too? Does He anticipate our arrival at a new place in Him, ever so eager to give us what He has in store? Does He look forward to a new day with great hope that we will find all He has prepared for us in this day?"

I dare say, "Yes. He most certainly does!"
To think, Our Heavenly Father gets such delight and joy from being able to bless us, surprise us, and give to us.  How He goes before us and prepares the way, then brings us to a place of blessing ...how He must long for with great expectation, the joy and marvel we have over what all He has done. How we must likewise bring Him delight as we delight in Him. - Not in anyway for pride's sake...oh no. He is not in that. No, this is for Love's sake! Our Creator, our God, Our Father is so overwhelmingly compelled by love. He not only operates in love but He is Love. And, it is in that same love that we marvel, that we awe, that we delight, that we appreciate, that we enjoy all He has done and does. It is all about relationship. ...It is all about a Father and His children.

A Bit About Me. -- Who Is Kristy Caudillo

It is more accurate to say, "What does she identify with?"

Before I go there, let me share what I once identified with... The oldest

I once proudly identified myself as the oldest of 4. When my parents divorced and I later moved to my dad's, I became the oldest of 3. The entire home may have changed but I knew the eldest's role.  My youngest brother was 10 years younger. Being his oldest sister was something I could grow in and have an identity in. I took to caring for, watching out for, setting an example for, doing for. In my mind, I found my place. I found my purpose. I found my value. I found my worth. Thus, my identity was largely wrapped up in being the "momma hen, sibling." 
As time passed, I bunched up everyone and often said, "I am the oldest of 6." This is where my greatest identity was.  When I attempted to join the siblings for different holidays, it didn't ever work the way I'd envision. I then took it personal. -Because it effected my identity.
-Can you see this?
With identity comes value. So, when I say "This is what I identified myself with." what I'm also saying is, "This is where I found my value." or, "In this I found my worth...my purpose, ... my identity."

When we all grew up, this identity took a major blow. Finally, when I was 31, we were visiting my sister. (My 7 years younger than me, sister.)  I felt the need to point out my take on her behavior. She in turn pointed out that I was visiting her at her place, in the state (Maryland) she was living in, married, and pregnant. She is now grown up, and she doesn't need a parent. I was stunned. She was right. While I still didn't agree with a lot, it is not my place to tell her.  She helped shatter that identity that I found security in. It was time to grow beyond that and be free. However, since our security is in our identity, instead of seeing the whole picture, I was able to let go of my siblings, but hung tight to my babies. I then took to being a super mom! I practiced with my siblings now I was going to do superbly with my sons. Never once pairing the 2 and seeing that accepting this identity leads me to the same empty place.  -Had God not intervened, history would have repeated with my own children.
Bottom line, anything that you find identity in that you can lose, you are in danger.  Our identity must be anchored on Jesus Christ.

Because I am free from that, I am now free to sit back and marvel at WHO they are! I am free to accept that they are grown, married, most of them are parents, and I am now free to be an equal...and have released them to be an equal.  It's cool (with just a pinch of surrendering mixed in) to listen to my younger siblings and learn from them. What a joy. What a gift!

Excitement Over Growing Up

Matthew came into my room this morning and I thought he was wearing boots with pj's because he definitely went through another growth spurt! Oh how delighted they get when they hear of how they have grown over night!  Right away he wants to measure where he is against me.

Dear Matthew,
Once upon a time, it greatly pained me to see you grow. It was as though I'd been robbed by time. I wished to keep you little always. Oh, to hold you forever! -but how much that would rob you of!!  I wouldn't trade your infant years with these for anything!  I love hearing you think and reason and develop!!!
Truth be told, when I felt that way, I was not growing. I gave you my life. I shouldn't have but I did. (More about the time that changed posted here.) As I've given you to God and put Him first, He has changed the way I see time. In learning to make time work for us not against us, I have been granted the joy and experience  of growing, changing, and developing side by side with you.
Now, I too am comparing and standing up against our Heavenly Father and I too am seeing how much I've grown more like Him over the last six weeks and last year... What was I too timid to do a year ago, that I have since broke free from? What did I want to do but thought I couldn't? What do I understand better now that I didn't then?  How have I developed in compassion? In hearing and being led? In obedience? In submission? In leadership?  In focus?  ...and, I agree, it is so thrilling to grow, to reach, to expand to new and deeper waters, beyond the former boundries.
I'm so thankful for these days...and I'm so thankful for your eagerness to grow! While in the physical realm, we reach a stopping point, in the spiritual realm, we never do!  Don't ever, ever lose that. -ever!
May you spend the rest of your life never settling and always reaching. May you be able to look back at every year and see many areas where you have grown and developed and changed...from glory to glory.

Marvel Your Way To Breakthrough

When we first started clearly seeing and understanding that healing is something that belongs to us and a part of our covenant rights bought and paid for by Christ Jesus' blood, and when we first started pressing through standing on scripture and not accepting what we saw until what we saw was what scripture says, what I did NOT see was the joy of marveling.
...
Similar to when David would bring home his current project drawings, I'd look at everything he was red-lining and ask, "You drew this??"...then say, "Show me more!...please!" Like a child, I delighted in him taking me to these beautiful luxury apartment complex buildings and marveling over what he designed!!! I  was beyond impressed. I would look at him until he would say something like, "What?! Stop looking at me." It IS very impressive!  I enjoy marveling at what he does....and I also enjoy saying, This. Is. MY. Husband! ...and stopping to soak that reality in.

Equally, with our Heavenly Father, it is no different.... I've noticed more breakthrough as I stop to say, "This. Is. My. Daddy God! Maker of Heaven & Earth & all the infinite galaxies!!"

So, I pray. Believe... and I don't just (emotional-less-ly) repeatedly say, "thank you God, I believe I have my healing."  ...Instead, I marvel! He not only can but He wants to heal us! He not only will but He made a way to legally heal us!  He doesn't stop at healed but completely whole! He not only loves me but He calls me the apple of His eye. He not only wants what is best but He starts moving everything so that when I get to my open door, the right people are in position, the right contacts are made, the right situation all comes together. He not only meets my needs but according to His riches in Glory...to the point that I shall not even want! And, even that is above all I can ask or think...

Like blue and yellow mixed together makes green, marveling and thanksgiving make praise. We praise Him for what He has done and what He does. We worship Him for Who He is.

Don't hold out for the big and final things. Start with the small ones. Just marvel. Let the love and appreciation expand your expectations for more. As you praise out of your mouth, your faith will grow.
Faith works by love and it comes by hearing.